Dude--uh, I mean lady, I'm way suspicious of everyone. My town has a turnover rate of like a body a week. My English teacher wound up being this psycho with a penchant for virgin sacrifices, which was not fun for me, let me tell you that. Do you know how many people want to sleep with me? None. Zilch. Nada. Freaking crazy poison revenge lizards and antisocial werewolves living in a rundown subway get more action than me just because they have abs and supernatural muscles, which is totally cheating by the way.

...where was I going with this?